tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11631435814248657242011-07-07T16:34:10.899-07:00Cars...cheese Danishes...fine boxed wine...The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.comBlogger431100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-19532681357684375732009-07-23T08:58:00.000-07:002009-07-25T18:44:34.054-07:00

As of today, I've transferred all of my posts to a new blog:http://www.thegeneralissimo.com/I apologize for the inconvenience, but my blogger.com site is causing more grief than it's worth to continue. This site will no longer be updated, though the new one will be.Thanks.-the Generalissimo

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-7837370445404755782009-07-23T07:54:00.000-07:002009-07-23T08:56:11.742-07:00

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The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-6046002190843531792009-07-16T07:35:00.000-07:002009-07-16T07:52:27.185-07:00

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The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-19432679356419427322009-07-13T08:17:00.000-07:002009-07-13T09:43:15.296-07:00

After a quick breakfast (at the pub—again) we set off. We got in line behind the other tourists and waited. “Westminster Abbey!” the Generalissimo said. The people near us in line took an instinctive step back. “Only a precious few who have been offered eternal sanctuary here declined it! Winston Churchill! Florence Nightingale! And of course, the Generalissimo!” “The Queen of England

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-3409217672303240762009-07-09T10:07:00.000-07:002009-07-09T10:39:09.431-07:00

“Deep breath,” the Generalissima said.The Generalissimo inhaled. I stood to the side, watching. I felt the wind pick up as the District Line came our way. The warm night air pushed past us until the train screeched by. Free newspapers tumbled along the platform, collecting in corners and under benches.The train stopped. The doors parted. A man in his twenties stepped out. I stepped in. The

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-12243958636739165102009-07-06T07:32:00.000-07:002009-07-06T08:21:02.507-07:00

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The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-81196300450718520342009-07-02T06:51:00.000-07:002009-07-04T08:39:33.709-07:00

If Wal-Mart is as American as apple pie and baseball, then Harrods is as British as spotted dick and cricket. So I had high hopes for their interpretation of our old friend, the cheese Danish. And they were were right on the money, sorta. Imagine a cellist that hits all the right notes but then decides to fart halfway through the performance. Yo-yo Ma would never think about breaking wind, so why

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-77713906280566328592009-06-29T08:09:00.000-07:002009-06-29T08:55:26.932-07:00

Do you ever wake up, convinced the dream you were just having was real? That your emergence into consciousness is simply a continuation of what you’ve been experiencing in dreamland?Happened to me that morning. I’d been dreaming about the Generalissimo, his counterpart, and a hundred of their loony friends. At some point I’d gone to lay my head down while they played Twister in my room. Then I

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-62444744799537066562009-06-25T08:10:00.000-07:002009-06-25T08:15:25.095-07:00

I knocked on their door at ten sharp. The Generalissima let me in. She’d changed into what I like to think of as her lounge wear: jeans and a frilly white blouse with a plunging neckline not usually seen outside of bad porn. The Generalissimo was on the bed, asleep, in his jeans and jacket, topped off with his eponymous jacket and the helmet. And of course, the mustache.“What’s on the agenda for

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-54494190844257931262009-06-22T08:18:00.000-07:002009-06-22T08:39:58.172-07:00

“You should come! It will be glorious!”He had to be kidding. Much as I wanted to take an all expenses paid trip to London, the last thing I wanted to do was spend the week with him.“And the Generalissima will be accompanying us! You two don’t spend enough time together! She’s been meaning to speak to you about that!”Goody.Which is how I found myself on a non-stop flight from Seattle to London on

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-38434411038942779282009-06-18T07:05:00.000-07:002009-06-18T07:22:05.447-07:00

Doughy instead of flakey. A balance of sweet and sour. A folded pastry with two problems that keep it from the title fight.The Pioneer Bakery of Puyallup, Washington, is one of those little places you’d miss if you blinked. That would be your loss, because they’ve got a few tricks up their sleeves that make me want to go back. The Generalissimo and I aren’t ones to turn up our noses at local

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-58228992723745205982009-06-15T08:19:00.000-07:002009-06-15T08:36:02.619-07:00

“Why have we stopped here, young Thurman?” the Generalissimo asked.“Here” was the Puyallup Farmer’s Market. And we’d stopped because the Generalissimo once again forgot his counterpart’s birthday, and was in need of some fresh flowers to rectify the situation. Of course he’d forgotten that, too.While I went through the fresh tulips, searching for a nice dozen to get her, the Generalissimo

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-74143470096324489512009-06-11T07:10:00.000-07:002009-06-11T07:13:27.300-07:00

I like White Zinfandel. It’s easy to drink, goes well with just about anything, and is hard to screw up.And so it goes with our current test subject. Vendange’s White Zinfandel came in a 500ml container, rated at 11% alcohol. It had no year listed, so its vintage is up for grabs. The packaging was small, which was good, because it was easier to fit in my fridge than any other wine I’ve purchased.

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-7346679898416190702009-06-08T06:54:00.000-07:002009-06-08T07:16:56.064-07:00

I know, I know, we don’t normally taste things outside of the cheese Danish realm, but I was hungry, and the Generalissimo took the only cheese Danish we found at the Chevron station. And as he isn’t one to share, I took what I could find.I love carrot cake. When done right, it can be a religious experience. My grandmother, for example, could open the megachurch dedicated to carrot cake. Duncan

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-45551067704053819462009-06-04T09:10:00.000-07:002009-06-07T19:07:45.921-07:00

“I thought we discussed this!” the Generalissimo said. “It is not a box!”“Sure it is. See?” I squeezed the box, sloshing some of Green Path’s 2006 Chardonnay out of the spout and onto my shirt. I’d love to tell you that was the first time that had happened that night, but...“It is the color of the last sample I gave to the fine physicians at the free clinic!”“Why were you at the free clinic?”“

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-7081508426658866632009-06-01T05:22:00.000-07:002009-06-04T09:44:11.308-07:00

Oh. My. God.A friend of the family owned the previous generation M3, and he once took me for a spin. I’d been in BMWs before, but this was the kind of car you dreamt about when you were sixteen and thinking about your perfect ride. The lines were clean, the convertible top was very cool, and it sounded like it wanted to kill you if it got the chance, just for fun. The power was awesome, bordering

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-86850947271246450942009-05-28T20:03:00.000-07:002009-05-29T00:46:04.303-07:00

“This is more like it!” the Generalissimo cried.I’d made the mistake of having the great sunglassed one over to my place for an evening of cheese Danishes and fine boxed wine. Unfortunately, the first Danish I pulled out wasn’t a Danish at all, but a cheese croissant. He wasn’t amused. This offering, also from Albertson’s, was a true cheese Danish, and he seemed much more inclined to enjoy it,

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-81264068210091864032009-05-25T07:14:00.000-07:002009-05-25T07:49:52.218-07:00

“This is not a cheese Danish!” the Generalissimo said. “You promised me cheese Danish! I salute your deception!”He saluted.It wasn’t much of a deception. When I went to Albertson’s, I bought two things that looked like cheese Danishes, only one of them turned out to be a cheese croissant. No big whoop. We’d try it, and if he liked it, then all was right with the world. Except, I made the mistake

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-58408236392737577402009-05-21T07:52:00.000-07:002009-05-21T08:02:14.680-07:00

Prairie City Bakery’s Creamy Cheese Danish isn’t as bad as it could be. Compared to some of the other Danishes we’ve tested, it’s fantastic. The flavor is nothing special, the bread isn’t the best out there, and the frosting isn’t provided in enough quantity to make it relevant, but the filling...wow. Creamy and soft, with just enough tart to keep it interesting. The flavor reminds me of homemade

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-40293244645298458622009-05-18T07:57:00.000-07:002009-05-18T08:06:41.581-07:00

The Versa isn’t my kind of car. Don’t get me wrong. It’s cheap, which I can get behind. The sedan we tested was the base model with no options, not even a stereo, which is why it only costs $9,990. Plus tax, of course. But still, ten grand for a car? Nice.But there’s a cost to getting it cheap. The lack of a stereo is just the tip of the iceberg. The cloth interior is something you’d get out of

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-10080266651147671072009-05-14T07:53:00.000-07:002009-05-14T08:07:34.512-07:00

Let me begin by saying how much I enjoy writing wine reviews while actually consuming the beverage in question. Yeah, so my typing skills go south rather fast, but it makes for a much more entertaining evening.“Quit bogarting the box!” the Generalissimo said. Well, maybe he slurred it just a bit. We’d been going at it for a few hours.“Kiss my ass!” I said.“That’s the spirit!” He slapped me on the

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-72827680150803263792009-05-11T07:52:00.000-07:002009-05-11T07:59:51.310-07:00

This is the worst pastry I’ve ever eaten. Bon Appetit, you are officially on my list. The Generalissimo not only refused to try it, but whipped out his Colt Anaconda and punched a pair of .44 holes in my plate, putting me out of my misery. And the antique table the plate was on. And the floor. Did I mention he uses explosive tipped rounds? Can you say “shrapnel wound to the shin?”No frosting.The

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-23664942767670424682009-05-07T08:10:00.000-07:002009-05-07T08:11:16.194-07:00

I’m a big fan of Top Food and Drug. I do quite a bit of my grocery shopping there, mainly because it’s close, but also because they carry a lot of odd items I can only find in trendier places (think Metropolitan Market or Whole Foods). And as we don’t have either of the other two, Top works for me.I rather enjoy their individual pieces of carrot cake. The cake tends to be moist, the carrots are

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-87352328159528143312009-05-04T06:29:00.000-07:002009-05-04T07:18:58.582-07:00

I really liked the Mercedes Benz GLK. I shouldn’t for any number of reasons, starting with its lack of a manual transmission option, to its excessive price tag, to its abysmal fuel mileage.But still...The ride is excellent. The steering response it firm, with just a hair of roll in the corners brought on by being an SUV (if you find an SUV, big or small, that doesn’t lean in the corners, call me)

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-90892116071898566562009-04-30T08:40:00.000-07:002009-04-30T08:42:20.575-07:00

“What is this?” the Generalissimo asked when I handed him the container.“It’s called wine.”“Indeed?”“Indeed.”“But the container...”“I know, I know. It’s not a box in the way you know and love them, but it’s still box-like.”“But, where is the spout?”“It’s got a screw cap.”“Blasphemy!”I unscrewed the top and poured him a glass. “Give it a shot.”He stared at the glass, his lips curled into a frown

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-52013775709557018042009-04-27T08:20:00.000-07:002009-04-27T08:22:46.727-07:00

I wasn’t expecting much from the Kia Soul when I got to the dealership. It’s a cool looking car, with its trendy box shape (you think Volvo might go back to it now?), squat stance, and a greenhouse that looks like a nice pair of sunglasses. But it could have been oh so much more.We drove the base model, because that was the only one they had with a manual transmission. It was black, the interior

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-32984789939582246932009-04-23T09:25:00.000-07:002009-04-23T09:28:10.828-07:00

I like creativity. I applaud it, even. But some formulas should not be messed with unless you’re a professional. And the people at Bon Appetit are...not.The idea probably seemed like a good one at the time. Take a croissant. Everybody loves croissants. Add some cream cheese filling. Everybody loves cream cheese filling. Then put it in a package.Um, aren’t we forgetting something here?Yes.

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-45991784427012292672009-04-20T08:10:00.000-07:002009-04-20T08:13:08.113-07:00

The Scion xB’s styling has always struck me as something a five-year-old would design: lots of right angles and a profile only a cardboard box enthusiast could love.But looks, as they say, can be deceiving. Lurking under the cubist exterior is enough interior space to host a banquet. Yao Ming wouldn’t run out of headroom in this car. Er, truck. Minivan. SUV? Maybe minus the Sport part of the

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-8542671152846561332009-04-16T11:14:00.000-07:002009-04-16T17:56:38.416-07:00

This was my first foray into the exciting world of boxed wine, and the Generalissimo insisted we start off with something simple: a 2007 Bota Box Pinot Grigio.Thank God.My wine palate is a lot like my finger painting palate: minimal, trending toward the mundane, with an odd fascination toward anything showcasing shiny colors and smelling faintly of vanilla.The Pinot Grigio was fine. It smelled

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-84483593929143308942009-04-13T08:08:00.000-07:002009-04-13T14:44:51.862-07:00

Vehicles: I rate on a scale from 0-100, with points given in 12 categories. Gas mileage, for example, is weighted with 10 possible points, calculated by averaging the EPA City/Highway estimates and multiplying by the fuel capacity. It’s then divided by 500 (a nice long trip without refueling), and multiplied by ten. Like the other categories, it’s possible to receive more points than the value

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-12220041099236684342009-04-13T07:58:00.000-07:002009-04-13T08:07:21.371-07:00

This one was a head scratcher. It didn’t help that we drove the Mini Cooper half an hour later and saw how a small hatchback should be done.The car is good value for money at a base price of $19,295. The front seat was a little snug on my oversized butt, which really shouldn’t cross it off your list. The sunroof was small and the trunk will only hold one body with the seats up (2-3 with them

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-80545134093033395882009-04-09T06:11:00.000-07:002009-04-09T08:21:40.887-07:00

Tina’s Lemon Cheese Turnover is not a cheese Danish. Let’s just be perfectly clear on that before we continue. Tina’s makes Danishes, but I have been unable to find them. Don’t think this means I’ll stop.The first thing you’ll notice is the total lack of frosting. Yep, that’s minus ten points right there. Then there’s the lemon filling. It’s not very good. It also looks (from the outside of

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-81060608779811828632009-04-06T07:24:00.000-07:002009-04-06T07:26:16.412-07:00

The Jeep Wrangler Unlimited is the answer to a question no one was asking.The basic two-door Wrangler is an institution. Few cars can take you anywhere for so little money. It’s not flashy; it’s not meant to be. The interior is cheap but functional. The dashboard has what you need and nothing more (unless you spring for the navigation system, which sorta defeats the purpose of “getting lost”

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-85811035092605930642009-04-02T07:31:00.000-07:002009-04-02T07:39:24.976-07:00

If you’re looking for an inexpensive way to feed a small family, then this is the way to go. If you’re looking for a refined taste experience, keep walking...“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” the Generalissimo barked in my ear.I hadn’t heard him come in. No big surprise there. “So you liked it?”“Not really!”Didn’t think so. It’s not that it’s a bad Danish; it’s not. It’s just not a good

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-45587100309026636412009-03-30T08:27:00.000-07:002009-03-30T08:28:43.990-07:00

My dad’s got a Camry. It’s a 1997, with 135,000 miles on the odometer its second coat of paint. He had the gas filler door spring replaced and the interior cushioning has gone a little soft. It’s still on its original brakes. The On knob for the radio broke a while back and he hasn’t bothered to replace it.And it will never die.Sure, he could wake up tomorrow and decide to drive it into a tree,

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-24045609897449126802009-03-26T19:21:00.000-07:002009-03-26T19:36:05.400-07:00

I had such high hopes for this one.“As did I!” The Generalissimo paused to wipe some frosting from his mustache. “It looked better on TV!”“Um, okay.” But I sorta understood his point. Individually wrapped snack treats fall into two categories: bland rest stop food, or unexpected treasures. This was definitely the former.The bread was dry and tasteless, but had a touch of sweetness to it that most

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-79923113598556560642009-03-23T08:12:00.000-07:002009-03-23T08:12:55.037-07:00

This car took us all by surprise. My impression has always been that the Mini is a chick car: cute, nonthreatening, and small, the kind of car you want to paint bright pink and put a set of magnetic eyebrows on above the lights. A VW New Beetle for people with a little style.Then you get inside. The tach gauge sits above the steering wheel, right where it should be. It moves up and down with

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-38290633153878521282009-03-19T14:35:00.001-07:002009-03-19T14:50:26.191-07:00

Safeway’s bakery makes some pretty good deserts, including today’s subject, a cheese Danish. I managed to arrive at our local store just as the baker was putting the frosting on the morning’s pastries. It was still warm when she put the bag in my hand, and I skipped out the door to the car. The Generalissimo was less than amused.“You mean I have to wait to eat this scrumptious morsel of

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-47298190810919334822009-03-10T17:33:00.000-07:002009-03-16T10:17:14.507-07:00

The Forester is the taint of the automotive world: taint a wagon, taint an SUV. It’s the embodiment of the notion that one car can be all things to all people.But it isn’t.As a wagon it succeeds, right until you start driving it. It’s got plenty of space for five adults, and a trunk that will hold a body and a half with the seats up and the cargo cover in pace. The rear seats recline for

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-65031534058150370532009-03-10T14:42:00.000-07:002009-03-10T17:23:51.318-07:00

The Yaris is Toyota’s attempt to get the key “I can’t afford a real car” demographic. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a fun car that will get you from Point A to Point B and do it without annoying you more than absolutely necessary.Our test vehicle was the three-door hatchback model, but we’d spring for the five-door. The extra grand gets you a second set of doors and makes the rear seats accessible;

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-70122210934217378752008-12-24T14:29:00.000-08:002009-03-17T18:17:53.712-07:00

Santa’s reindeer are thought to be a subspecies of the genus Rangifer. How and why this particular subset became genetically different from their free-range cousins is the focus of many scholarly tomes. What is known is that, imbued with magical powers involving flight (and in rare cases, a nose capable of bio-luminescence), they have found a safe haven with an enigmatic fat man who lives in an

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-81878698827665101792008-12-14T16:51:00.000-08:002009-03-17T18:18:11.546-07:00

I tossed him the keys. Looking back, this was a mistake. In fact, pretty much everything about this was a mistake.“Get in!” the Generalissimo cried. I did as instructed. I vaguely remembered my last test drive with him, which meant I had my seat belt on before I even shut my door.We’d decided to do the first few tests in cars we had easy access to. The first, obviously, was the Generalissimo

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1163143581424865724.post-45422118182149558282008-12-13T08:05:00.000-08:002009-03-17T18:18:23.941-07:00

Welcome to the Generalissimo’s first post. Please, whatever you do, no flash photography.GEN: Welcome!WGT: Thanks, I think.GEN: Safety first!WGT: (I click my seatbelt) Tell me a little about your car.GEN: This is a 1991 Lamborghini LM002! I rescued her from a tragic fate at the hands of an evil oil tycoon! He made the classic mistake of giving her to me! Fool!WGT: Um, okay.

The Generalissimohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06569214599475292849noreply@blogger.com0