Welcome to the Generalissimo’s first post. Please, whatever you do, no flash photography.
GEN: Welcome!
WGT: Thanks, I think.
GEN: Safety first!
WGT: (I click my seatbelt) Tell me a little about your car.
GEN: This is a 1991 Lamborghini LM002! I rescued her from a tragic fate at the hands of an evil oil tycoon! He made the classic mistake of giving her to me! Fool!
WGT: Um, okay. What I meant was—
GEN: Hold on! We ride! Ha ha!
WGT: (author crosses himself) Oh sweet Jesus.
GEN: I did not realize you were Catholic!
WGT: I’m not.
GEN: I salute your willingness to remain open-minded!
WGT: (author grabs the wheel as the Generalissimo actually salutes) GAAAAHHHH!
GEN: That’s the spirit! (He retakes control of the vehicle) I find aggressive driving to be one of life’s great joys!
WGT: That’s a bicyclist!
GEN: Indeed! He should be more careful!
WGT: You were in his lane.
GEN: Or was he in mine! We may never know!
WGT: He was going the other direction.
GEN: Look! A rapscallion!
WGT: It’s a tow truck.
GEN: He’s stealing that car! We must give chase!
WGT: It’s a tow truck.
GEN: Hold on! We must right that which is about to go wrong!
WGT: GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Twenty minutes later, after the police report has been signed and we are free to go the audio file continues.
GEN: Honest mistake!
WGT: Was not!
GEN: Was too!
WGT: Can we get back to your review?
GEN: Indubitably! The LM is the finest conveyance the world has ever seen!
WGT: How does it drive?
GEN: I’ll show you!
WGT: Please, no...
I have no memory of ending up in the ditch. In fact, I have no memories of the last two days, or my admission to the Emergency Room. All I have are the mp3 files from my voice recorder to tell me the tale. For the next five minutes, all I can make out is whimpering. At one point, someone begins to weep openly. Pretty sure that was me.
GEN: You have survived! I salute your fortitude! (he salutes)
WGT: (pressing the morphine button) Go away.
GEN: Alas, I cannot. You have, my compatriot, performed a great service to this nation. Your willingness to be at my side as I give in to my passion for the automobile honors me. I am, as always, your humble servant.
WGT: (mashing the morphine button) Where’s the nurse?
GEN: I have good news!
WGT: They gave you that MRI I keep begging you to get?
GEN: No! I have secured your release from this facility! If memory serves—
WGT: It won’t.
GEN: We never finished our road test! Come! We ride! Ha ha!
WGT: (gurgling sound)
Saturday, December 13, 2008
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