Lamborghini LM002

Welcome to the Generalissimo’s first post. Please, whatever you do, no flash photography.

GEN: Welcome!

WGT: Thanks, I think.

GEN: Safety first!

WGT: (I click my seatbelt) Tell me a little about your car.

GEN: This is a 1991 Lamborghini LM002! I rescued her from a tragic fate at the hands of an evil oil tycoon! He made the classic mistake of giving her to me! Fool!

WGT: Um, okay. What I meant was—

GEN: Hold on! We ride! Ha ha!

WGT: (author crosses himself) Oh sweet Jesus.

GEN: I did not realize you were Catholic!

WGT: I’m not.

GEN: I salute your willingness to remain open-minded!

WGT: (author grabs the wheel as the Generalissimo actually salutes) GAAAAHHHH!

GEN: That’s the spirit! (He retakes control of the vehicle) I find aggressive driving to be one of life’s great joys!

WGT: That’s a bicyclist!

GEN: Indeed! He should be more careful!

WGT: You were in his lane.

GEN: Or was he in mine! We may never know!

WGT: He was going the other direction.

GEN: Look! A rapscallion!

WGT: It’s a tow truck.

GEN: He’s stealing that car! We must give chase!

WGT: It’s a tow truck.

GEN: Hold on! We must right that which is about to go wrong!

WGT: GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Twenty minutes later, after the police report has been signed and we are free to go the audio file continues.

GEN: Honest mistake!

WGT: Was not!

GEN: Was too!

WGT: Can we get back to your review?

GEN: Indubitably! The LM is the finest conveyance the world has ever seen!

WGT: How does it drive?

GEN: I’ll show you!

WGT: Please, no...

I have no memory of ending up in the ditch. In fact, I have no memories of the last two days, or my admission to the Emergency Room. All I have are the mp3 files from my voice recorder to tell me the tale. For the next five minutes, all I can make out is whimpering. At one point, someone begins to weep openly. Pretty sure that was me.

GEN: You have survived! I salute your fortitude! (he salutes)

WGT: (pressing the morphine button) Go away.

GEN: Alas, I cannot. You have, my compatriot, performed a great service to this nation. Your willingness to be at my side as I give in to my passion for the automobile honors me. I am, as always, your humble servant.

WGT: (mashing the morphine button) Where’s the nurse?

GEN: I have good news!

WGT: They gave you that MRI I keep begging you to get?

GEN: No! I have secured your release from this facility! If memory serves—

WGT: It won’t.

GEN: We never finished our road test! Come! We ride! Ha ha!

WGT: (gurgling sound)